“She Doesn’t Know Him Like I Do” By Chris Zito

My grown son, Ben, got married last Saturday. As he pledged his undying love in front of God and everybody I couldn’t help but wonder if the bride knew what she was getting herself into.

This kid grew up to be husband material?

I’ve always said that my daughter’s arrival lulled me into complacency about having more children. She was a wonderful baby: small, healthy, even-tempered. She became a toddler and would quietly explore our little apartment. Her mother and I would get her together with other babies and she always played nicely. Then I had a son. And he just started breaking all my shit!

Ben’s first grade school picture. Should have been a clue.

You can walk into a stranger’s house and if they have old (and I mean old)  furniture they have boys. They figure, what’s the point of getting anything decent as long as those little wrecking machines are in the house. I grew up in a house with four boys. I’m the youngest and there wasn’t even a decent place to sit down by the time I left.

“We can’t have nice things!”

What’s the most expensive thing to collect, but has zero resale value? Empty grocery bags! That’s the other thing about boys. You have to feed them. And feed them. And feed them. My brother Mark has two grown boys. He’s had the same refrigerator for twenty-five years, but he’s had the door replaced seven times.

This is how it typically looked a half hour after the groceries arrived.

Not only has Ben grown up and married, he’s married a woman who already had two boys. Ah yes, karma! His new sons make up the sweetest, most beautiful demo squad I’ve ever witnessed. Ben generally has patience, tolerance, and a very small balance in his checking account. The house is hard to keep clean, hard to keep stocked with food, and hard leave without smiling. The love permeates the chaos.

The boys have a nice bedroom to share.

Ben was never the best athlete. He never was an honor student. Never was all that handy. Ben’s value always came through when he was around friends in need. The kid has always had a natural empathy. From an early age his friends poured their hearts out to Ben because he would listen with his. That’s his greatest asset. Ben has more than the average amount of love to give. For years I wondered what Ben would become. What does this kid want? What he’s looking for? What he wanted more than anything was a family of his own to give all that love to.

Congratulations, son. You win.

The happy couple.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito