“The Temp” By Chris Zito

We really got spoiled around here the last few years. Kimi quit her job to stay home with Vince. I worked on morning radio and made enough to pay the bills. I was pretty good at my job. Kimi was absolutely spectacular at hers. Vince thrived, the house looked great, and man alive-the meals!!! She was exhausted.

“I wonder if the rock quarry is hiring. I need a break!”

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“I’ll Be You” By Chris Zito

Wonder why fathers spend so much time in the can? Privacy. And you can’t just go in the bathroom. If I’m shaving, or brushing my teeth, or showering I get company. An announcement of my intentions must be made and the door securely locked before I can read the box scores uninterrupted.

“Sanctuary!” I hear ya, pal!

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“Toy Purge” by Chris Zito

Vince’s 5th birthday is in 27 days, followed only 66 days later by Christmas. Up to now we’ve managed to not let the toys take over the house. It takes a concerted effort.

Without the occasional purge we’d end up on an episode of Hoarders in no time.

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“It’s Official” By Chris Zito

For me it’s not Labor Day or September 21 when summer officially ends. It was today. I put the air conditioners away.

Why pay for central air when the window units are so easy to install?

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“The Walking Wounded” By Chris Zito

My boy Vince is off his Silly Bandz obsession and has moved on. To Band-Aids.

No first aid kit is complete without Spiderman

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“Advanced Degree” By Chris Zito

My daughter got her master’s degree last week and is headed for a PhD. That’s a lot more school than her old man ever attended. I got to college, couldn’t find a parking space, went home.

Admittedly, I could have looked a little longer.

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“Last Call, Kid” by Chris Zito

Author’s Note: This is a reissue and reworking of a column I wrote five years ago in the early days of the blogosphere. Much like my reissue of “Buttons” little has changed, except my hairline and the state of my knees. Oh, and I’ve add the images and captions.

Kimi and I went to the obligatory breastfeeding class before Vince was born. The class was surprisingly funny and informative.  All the same, I’ve rarely discussed breasts in the company women other than my wife. Did I say rarely? I meant never. Ever. Really, Kimi, if you’re reading this…oh too late now.

Call me heterosexual, I just find them hypnotic.

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