Advice For the Child Free: Save It.

Not everyone young adult without kids thinks they’d be better at parenting than parents. Just the ones who see me out with my kid.

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Being out in public with your kid can be truly hair raising.
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“The Big Draw” by Chris Zito

A “draw,” in show biz lingo, is an act that has real fans, a serious following. When I do stand up the people are in the club to see a comedy show. When Jerry Seinfeld does stand up people in the theater are there to see Jerry Seinfeld. He’s a draw.


“Anyone here to see Zito? Didn’t think so.”

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“A Prank Only a Mother Could Love” By Chris Zito

My mother bore five children. My sister, the oldest, then four boys in a row. She was outnumbered for sure. My Dad got himself plenty of free labor. Mom got lots of piratical jokes. We were a pain in her ass.


“When you boys finish there go inside and harass your mother.”

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“What Do I Know?” By Chris Zito

My son presented me with just about the greatest opportunity of my life the over the weekend. He wandered out of his bedroom Saturday morning and into my office. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he asked, “Daddy, do you know everything?”


“Yes, my son. I DO know everything. Now go forth and pick up thy toys.”

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“Key Search” By Chris Zito

Everyone had eaten breakfast and brushed their teeth. Vince was all set for school and I was actually heading out the door on time for work.
That’s when the car keys turned up missing.


“Have you seen me?”

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“When Gall Bladders Attack!” By Chris Zito

My poor wife awakens this morning to face her first full day gallbladderless. Having turned on her, the gallbladder was removed in a simple procedure that most 21st century surgeons could perform with one hand tied behind their back. As simple as making a stack of pancakes. Poor little thing didn’t stand a chance.


“Hey, at least I went down swingin!”

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“I Would Have Fired Me” By Chris Zito

My first summer job was at the Farmer’s Market. The place was right across the street from where my dad sold cars. He saw that they were hiring and vouched for me. Guess he didn’t know me as well as thought he did.


My enthusiasm was matched only by my speed.

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