“Wild Phone Chase” By Chris Zito

After lunch I reached for my phone to call my wife and let her know how my annual physical had gone. It had gone fine, but she wanted to hear about the blood work, the recent sinus infection, and if the doctor and I had plans to continue a more intimate relationship after the prostate exam. Good, gone, and absolutely not.


Luckily my primary care physician had done his residency
with the TSA so he was an experienced prober.

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My DVR, Social Media, and Time Travel

For years anyone recording a sporting event had to dodge a minefield of result indicators. You can always spot the guy. Whenever anyone says hello to him the first thing out of his mouth is, “I”m taping the game! Don’t say anything about the game!”
“Actually, sir, I was just going to tell your our lunch specials.”


“No! You might slip the Dolphins score into the catch of the day!”

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“Tone Deaf Dentist” By Chris Zito

The dentist’s chair is far from my favorite spot in the world. While this doesn’t exactly separate me from the rest of theĀ  population I do pride myself in being able sit calmly, breathing regularly, and just go with the flow.


And by flow I mean the flow of blood from my gums.

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“Enough With the Phonebooks” By Chris Zito

Haven’t opened a phone book in years, but we have three or four on a shelf under an end table in the family room. We used to have them in a drawer right near the phone. Now there’s no land line. It’s 2011 and we just don’t need one. Oh wait, that’s the same reason we don’t need a phone book. You don’t see the phone company dropping off phones to plug into the kitchen jack, so why do they insist on sending the book?


The approximate number of phone books published since we last used one.

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“T-Ball Redux” By Chris Zito

Vince’s t-ball team has seven boys on it. Having volunteered to help out I showed up at the first practice found out there were four of us coaches. I offered to bow out, but the head coach said, “No, we need you.” He was right. Halfway through practice it struck me that we should probably recruit a few more parents.


This guy’s group is definitely easier to organize than seven 5-year-olds.

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“Don’t Believe the Skype ” By Chris Zito

Remember when the Video Phone was a far off, futuristic dream left to the Jetsons? Jane Jetson had a “ready-to-be-seen-in-public” mask she could slip on if someone called early in the morning and she was still in her curlers.


“Jane always looked good on the outside, but…”

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“Seasonal Storage Disorder” By Chris Zito

My wife arranges the coats and winter clothes by the calendar. Come April 1st she puts the winter stuff away and all I can find is windbreakers and T-shirts. I’ve been freezing my ass off for the last week.


What a relief that winter’s over. It’s up to 33 degrees this morning!

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