“Unemployment Study” By Chris Zito

I lost my last gig one year and a day ago today. I’ve been looking for a job,  but not necessarily what most people would call work.  I don’t really work for a living so much as talk for a living. To be perfectly honest, I’m not a fan of work. It doesn’t make me a bad employee. I get things done. I’ve always been good at delegating and finding short cuts. Yet somehow I’ve always managed to put in the hours.


I had my own version that read, “Will look busy for food,”
but never got many donations.

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“Recession Workout” By Chris Zito

I have now been self-employed again for nearly a year. That’s why I haven’t been to the gym to workout since my last regular gig ended. Couldn’t get the expense approved. As any self-employed guy will tell you, the hours suck, the money is light, and the boss is often unreasonable.


If I had a waist like this guy, I wouldn’t be so worried about getting back to the gym.

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“Wall to Wall Bed” By Chris Zito

It’s been a few days since we got rid of our five-year old’s giant bed. His tiny room looks a much bigger. We didn’t intend for him to have a giant bed. We thought he’d be in a cute little kid’s bed at this point.


I suggested this bed, but Vince is more of a stock car guy than an Indy guy.

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“Born Thirsty” By Chris Zito

I believe every man has a certain quota of booze he can safely consume in his lifetime. I used mine up by the time I was twenty-seven.


My favorite medicine for most of my twenties.

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“At the Ready” By Chris Zito

I’m not going to be the guy that puts his snow shovels away and brings on a spring snow blast! Mine stand ready in front of the garage door, leaning against the house and surveying my now nearly snow free driveway.


Okay. Nobody move!

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“Peanut Butter Mismanagement” By Chris Zito

Anyone with children under ten knows that there is a peanut allergy epidemic in this country. Our home, mercifully, has been spared. Good thing too, because my wife and I are both addicted to the stuff.


“We’re the Sid and Nancy of Skippy.”

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“Worth Every Penny” By Chris Zito

Developmental delay.
That’s as close to a diagnosis as we are able to get for our kid right now.  It’s not autism, they assured us, not Asperger’s Syndrome. They wouldn’t even call it Sensory Integration Dysfunction, which covers a wide spectrum of symptoms. The long and short of it: after more than two months of being told that Vince is not developing at a normal pace in certain areas, he’ll not be involved in any special education at school. At least not at first.


“So, Vince is not like the other kids, how exactly?”

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