You Might Want to Read This First

Some of your comments have compelled me to make a disclaimer. Not everything you read in this blog is true. None of the names have been changed, but some of the circumstances and the details surrounding them have been. Comedians lie for a living. I lie less than most, but I still lie.

Remember how “Dragnet” wasn’t funny?

Please don’t be too upset. All of the stuff I write about really happened. I locked my keys in my car at a rest stop in Connecticut. Vince really was missing the little bucket from his Operation game. But the dryer breaking? That was two years ago. I just thought it would be a better story if it just happened. Don’t think of this blog now as a work of fiction. Just know that every now and then…

Here’s me taken only a few hours ago

See? That little white lie doesn’t really hurt anyone does it? Except maybe Kimberly when she sees it and sighs and longs for what never was. So bear in mind a little comedic license will occasionally be employed. But rest assured not when it comes to the important stuff like how much my family means to me and how much I love them and how impressed and fascinated I am by them all. That’s gospel, baby.

Oh God! Get it? No one wants to see that!