“Zero to Playtime in No Seconds” By Chris Zito

“Daddy! This guy is an alien with four arms. Daddy. Look at the alien I made. Daddy!”
This statement is the first sound heard as I climb from a dead sleep into the early morning. My son Vince is in full play mode.

Who wouldn’t want to wake up to this guy every morning?

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“Yo-Yo Me” By Chris Zito

I’ve lost over 75 pounds over the last ten years. All but 16 of them rest on my frame today. I’m a before and after and after that poster boy. God Bless America!

Picture this guy with hair and he’s the spitting image of me!
Enjoy your breakfast.

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“School Vacation. Bah. Humbug!” By Chris Zito

Things were much simpler for parents a generation (or two) ago. When there was no school, my mother didn’t worry about how to entertain us all day. This is how it went on a typical Saturday after breakfast.
“There’s the door. Be home for lunch.”
After lunch: “There’s the door. Be home for supper.”
After supper: “There’s the door. Be home when the street lights come on or your father will kill you.”

“Only three and half hours til I can go back in.”

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“DVR Wars” By Chris Zito

Marriage has always been about compromise. Give and take. You win some, you lose some. Meet in the middle. Spouses compromise over big things like spending, parenting, and religion. In the twenty-first  century compromise is more vital to marriage than ever before. Because couples have to share space on the DVR.

Please don’t tell me there’s no room for Conan because you’re
saving four episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.

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“The Mushy Part” By Chris Zito

Valentine’s Day is very low on my little boy’s favorite holiday list. He knows that the Easter Bunny brings Easter candy, that Santa brings Christmas  presents, and on Valentine’s day all the girls in his class give him a card with a heart on it. He hasn’t exactly been on the edge of his seat waiting for the today to arrive.

Be your Valentine? Not if there’s kissing!

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“I’m No Drunken, Sailor” by Chris Zito

Years ago while doing a Q and A for a radio station I worked at I was asked, “If you got a tattoo, it would be “blank.
I answered, ” A miracle.”

Take this to the chief steward. And after he’s hammered get him some new ink.”

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“Not a Football Fan” by Chris Zito

I’ve tried explaining the game of football to my wife. Initially she really made an effort to learn. Now she doesn’t even pretend to care. She’s like a defiant school girl who would rather be in detention than in class.

“I really don’t care why sometimes when they kick it’s 3 points and other times its 1 point.

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