• Chris Zito

    Funny comedian, radio personality, & writer in the Boston area. Husband, father, one handsome devil.

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“Tone Deaf Dentist” By Chris Zito

The dentist’s chair is far from my favorite spot in the world. While this doesn’t exactly separate me from the rest of the  population I do pride myself in being able sit calmly, breathing regularly, and just go with the flow.


And by flow I mean the flow of blood from my gums.

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“Enough With the Phonebooks” By Chris Zito

Haven’t opened a phone book in years, but we have three or four on a shelf under an end table in the family room. We used to have them in a drawer right near the phone. Now there’s no land line. It’s 2011 and we just don’t need one. Oh wait, that’s the same reason we don’t need a phone book. You don’t see the phone company dropping off phones to plug into the kitchen jack, so why do they insist on sending the book?


The approximate number of phone books published since we last used one.

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“T-Ball Redux” By Chris Zito

Vince’s t-ball team has seven boys on it. Having volunteered to help out I showed up at the first practice found out there were four of us coaches. I offered to bow out, but the head coach said, “No, we need you.” He was right. Halfway through practice it struck me that we should probably recruit a few more parents.


This guy’s group is definitely easier to organize than seven 5-year-olds.

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“Don’t Believe the Skype ” By Chris Zito

Remember when the Video Phone was a far off, futuristic dream left to the Jetsons? Jane Jetson had a “ready-to-be-seen-in-public” mask she could slip on if someone called early in the morning and she was still in her curlers.


“Jane always looked good on the outside, but…”

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“Seasonal Storage Disorder” By Chris Zito

My wife arranges the coats and winter clothes by the calendar. Come April 1st she puts the winter stuff away and all I can find is windbreakers and T-shirts. I’ve been freezing my ass off for the last week.


What a relief that winter’s over. It’s up to 33 degrees this morning!

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“Quest For Johnny” By Chris Zito

Vince has moved on from Scooby-Do and has become obsessed with all things SpongeBob. There is much debate among parents over whether this is appropriate viewing for five year olds. After all, they protest, Squidward calls people bad names like “idiot” and “stupid.” But as I always point out to my son, Squidward is never happy, never really ever successful unless he accepts help. He’s not exactly a bad guy, but he reaps what he sows.


Is five too young to learn that some guys are just assholes?

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“Unemployment Study” By Chris Zito

I lost my last gig one year and a day ago today. I’ve been looking for a job,  but not necessarily what most people would call work.  I don’t really work for a living so much as talk for a living. To be perfectly honest, I’m not a fan of work. It doesn’t make me a bad employee. I get things done. I’ve always been good at delegating and finding short cuts. Yet somehow I’ve always managed to put in the hours.


I had my own version that read, “Will look busy for food,”
but never got many donations.

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