“Wild Phone Chase” By Chris Zito

After lunch I reached for my phone to call my wife and let her know how my annual physical had gone. It had gone fine, but she wanted to hear about the blood work, the recent sinus infection, and if the doctor and I had plans to continue a more intimate relationship after the prostate exam. Good, gone, and absolutely not.


Luckily my primary care physician had done his residency
with the TSA so he was an experienced prober.

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“I Would Have Fired Me” By Chris Zito

My first summer job was at the Farmer’s Market. The place was right across the street from where my dad sold cars. He saw that they were hiring and vouched for me. Guess he didn’t know me as well as thought he did.


My enthusiasm was matched only by my speed.

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“Don’t Believe the Skype ” By Chris Zito

Remember when the Video Phone was a far off, futuristic dream left to the Jetsons? Jane Jetson had a “ready-to-be-seen-in-public” mask she could slip on if someone called early in the morning and she was still in her curlers.


“Jane always looked good on the outside, but…”

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“House Hubby” By Chris Zito

For the last ten months I’ve been looking for a new radio job. My wife started looking for work right after the holidays and started a new job on the fifth. I’ve got to get that woman to do my resume for me.


She accomplished with an old Franklin Planner what
I haven’t managed yet with my fancy Droid phone.

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“Abandoned? Hardly.” by Chris Zito

There’s a simple reason for the “helicopter parent” phenomenon. Parents today  are convinced that if they don’t spend every possible moment with their kids they’ll grow up to spend years and a small fortune dealing with abandonment issues. They’re mistaken.


Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here. Daddy’s…

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“Dumbass” by Chris Zito

I’m not too hard on myself. I give my self permission to pull one really dumbass move per month. Right now I’m all set until October.

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“Clown at the Ground Round” by Chris Zito

Most people have no idea how many ridiculous jobs I had as a young man. I sold vacuums door-to-door, worked driving a truck for a traveling theatrical troupe, even did a little carnival work. But hung over clown was easily the worst job I ever had.

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