“A Prank Only a Mother Could Love” By Chris Zito

My mother bore five children. My sister, the oldest, then four boys in a row. She was outnumbered for sure. My Dad got himself plenty of free labor. Mom got lots of piratical jokes. We were a pain in her ass.

“When you boys finish there go inside and harass your mother.”

The poor woman never stood a chance. She was first generation Sicilian which made her predisposed to spoiling her sons and we took full advantage. As a preschooler there was more than one occasion when she had to literally chase me around the house to get me to sit down and have lunch. I remember thinking, “What a fun game!” I didn’t know the name of the game was, “Daddy Is Going to Kill You When He Gets Home!”

Dead Man Running!

The most famous case of randomly hassling Mom was the night she got up from her chair while we were all watching TV and announced, “No one take my chair!”
After she left the room my brothers and I promptly took the chair into the den. When Mom returned she looked at the empty spot, smiled, and said, “Okay, who took my chair?”
We all had a good laugh. She was a good sport about that stuff. I would have slapped my kids silly. Then again, I wasn’t nearly as out gunned as she was.

“Have you seen me?”

Today would have been Mom’s 85th birthday. We lost her seven years ago. I think about her every single day and suspect I will until we all get together again. If there are chairs in Heaven she better hang on to hers!

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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