“What Do I Know?” By Chris Zito

My son presented me with just about the greatest opportunity of my life the over the weekend. He wandered out of his bedroom Saturday morning and into my office. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he asked, “Daddy, do you know everything?”


“Yes, my son. I DO know everything. Now go forth and pick up thy toys.”

There was a brief moment where I thought, “This is my big chance. If I say, ‘yes, Daddy knows everything,’ he’ll never argue with me again.”
But of course that’s impossible. Any fatherly knowledge is rated in direct proportion to the age of the child.


My youngest can benefit from how smart I got after my other kids grew up.

There’s nothing unusual about this. The same kid that hangs on your every word at preschool age doesn’t even want to be seen in public with you while they’re in high school. Personally, I never indulged this wish when my grown kids were teenagers. I always delighted in getting out of the car whenever I dropped them off and happily introducing myself to all their friends!
“Hi, I’m Jessica’s dad! What’s your name?”
Oh, the humanity!


“OMG! The longer you stand here the worse my social standing.

These changes in how our children view us are normal. The more parents go with the flow the better for everyone. The best parenting advice I ever received was from my Dad, a veteran of nearly sixty years of fatherhood.
“Just keep ’em alive until they’re twenty-five.”
Something miraculous happens at this age (the car rental companies are on to something!). My older son was a complete mystery to us all from the age of 15-24. Suddenly at 25 he chose a career path, met a wonderful woman, and is now a responsible husband and father. The same kid who couldn’t hold a job or scrape up rent money is now supporting a family. How much credit can I take?
Well, I kept him alive! Thanks for the advice, Dad!


Nothing like making your own car payment to put hair on your sack.

I’ll just enjoy my brief time being the wisest man Vince knows. And try not to take it personally during those fleeting years that I’m an idiot.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito

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3 Responses

  1. Bravo! It’s astonishing how much my dad has picked up in only the last 5 years or so…

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