“Enough With the Phonebooks” By Chris Zito

Haven’t opened a phone book in years, but we have three or four on a shelf under an end table in the family room. We used to have them in a drawer right near the phone. Now there’s no land line. It’s 2011 and we just don’t need one. Oh wait, that’s the same reason we don’t need a phone book. You don’t see the phone company dropping off phones to plug into the kitchen jack, so why do they insist on sending the book?

The approximate number of phone books published since we last used one.

A friend pointed out to me that the phone book delivery creates jobs. Someone has to produce the phone book. Someone delivers the phone book. And then of course, I recycle the phone book, creating “green jobs.” Seeing as how I take the phone book off my porch and directly to the dump it’s hard to call it recycling. I’m actually just cycling it. There is no “re” involved.

These are shredded and made into mouse pads to use when
you look up a number online.

The good news is that now you can “opt out” of phone book delivery. Opting out is really in these days. I get lots of emails I never signed up for that have fine print at the bottom letting me know I can “opt out.” Really? I never opted in! Much like “cycling” this is really only “opting.” There’s no in or out involved whatsoever!

Thank God I didn’t “opt out” of  my magnifying glass-a-month subscription!

Sorry, phone book delivery guy, you’ll soon go the way of the milkman, the full service gas station, and barber who sells a close shave. And kids who are too small to sit at the table will have to settle for a hard plastic booster seat.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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