“Seasonal Storage Disorder” By Chris Zito

My wife arranges the coats and winter clothes by the calendar. Come April 1st she puts the winter stuff away and all I can find is windbreakers and T-shirts. I’ve been freezing my ass off for the last week.

What a relief that winter’s over. It’s up to 33 degrees this morning!

A little over a week ago two large boxes appeared in the bedroom. I had no idea what was in them until I went into the closet for my favorite Red Sox sweatshirt. Today’s the home opener. It’s the Yankees. We’re 0-6. We all have to do our part. A week into the season and it’s a must win situation. The least I can do is show my support by wearing the logo.

Some say it can’t get worse. If you’re Sox fan you know it always can.

Digging around and retrieving my Sox sweatshirt, I ransacked both boxes and made sure I’d be cozy on early morning runs or breezy New England summer evenings by putting all my sweatshirts back in the closet.
“Where are we going to put your summer shorts now?” Kimi asked.
“We’ll decide that when summer comes,” I quipped. So clever.
My wife shot me a look that any man in a long-term relationship has received. It’s a look that says, “Hey, that was a good one. Hope it was worth your new-found celibacy.”

Found some of my familiar summer T-shirts back in my drawers.

Many New Englanders live in deep denial about spring weather. We suffer from the delusion that when the calendar says its spring the sun will come out, the temperatures will rise, and the tulips will bloom. The sad truth is, around these parts, March comes in like a lion and goes out like a pack of wolves. April’s a crap shoot. The safest bet is to have everything in your wardrobe available all year round.

Who needs a spare bedroom? Convert it and be ready for anything!

I have everything from running shorts to my parka at my disposal at all times. What’s the over/under on how many times I’ll be able to wear them both on the same day?

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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