• Chris Zito

    Funny comedian, radio personality, & writer in the Boston area. Husband, father, one handsome devil.

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“Wall to Wall Bed” By Chris Zito

It’s been a few days since we got rid of our five-year old’s giant bed. His tiny room looks a much bigger. We didn’t intend for him to have a giant bed. We thought he’d be in a cute little kid’s bed at this point.

I suggested this bed, but Vince is more of a stock car guy than an Indy guy.

The bed problem goes all the way back to before Vince was born. We bought a really nice dark cherry wood convertible crib. You can change it from a crib to a toddler bed and then into a full bed as the boy got older. It was a sweet piece of furniture. We were flush at the time and we figured since it was the only bed we’d ever buy the kid it was a good investment.

He can put the rails back on long after his mother and I are gone.

I was so excited the day of the first conversion. Vince had climbed out of the crib, appeared in our room out of nowhere, and scared the living crap out of us; the classic sign it was time to make our move. The idea was simple. Take the front rail off the crib creating a sort of small day bed deal that the boy could sleep in until at least grade school. After struggling for a while I called the store where we bought the bed.
When the manager learned what model crib I was wrestling with he said, “Oh that crib converts directly to a full size bed.”
“Who takes their baby from the crib right into a full size bed?” I asked.
“You’d be surprised.”

Surprised isn’t the word I would have used.

After completing the conversion it was clear the bed was way too big for the room. Vince’s room is tiny. We bought the house for the big master bedroom and it’s walk-in closet. The second bedroom upstairs is a walk-in closet. If the boy ever grows up and moves to New York City he’ll be really impressed with the size of his apartment.

Vince dreams of one day having a room this expansive.

Part of the trouble was that Vince really loved the bed. And it was comfy. Many nights his mother or I would fall asleep with him while reading a story. There was plenty of room for the whole family.

We had our own version of the Wonka bed.

As of last week Vince now sleeps in a smaller bed. His closet opens. He can play in his room. And best of all, if he ever decides to move to Manhattan he’ll bitch about how small his apartment is like everyone else.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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