“Born Thirsty” By Chris Zito

I believe every man has a certain quota of booze he can safely consume in his lifetime. I used mine up by the time I was twenty-seven.


My favorite medicine for most of my twenties.

It’s been quite a while since I drank and many of my closest friends have never seen me drink. My current wife has never experienced the joy of me coming home later than expected and lying to her face, one of my specialties during my first marriage. If I had a dime for every time I claimed to have had “a couple” I could be enjoying a virgin pina colada poolside in some tropical location right now.


“Waiter, let’s save time. Bring me a couple.”

The question most people ask is, “What kind of drunk were you?”
That’s easy. The loud, lecherous kind. I was the kind of guy that would get drunk and hit on your date. I know. Charming. I was also the guy that left more than a few bars or parties after being invited to leave. Or more accurately, my buddies would be urged to remove me before somebody kicked my loud, lecherous ass.


I narrowly escaped having my face rearranged more than once.

People that didn’t know me in my drinking days are often surprised when they here about how much I drank.
“I can’t picture you drunk,” they say. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m never loud and obnoxious nowadays. The difference is now I can’t blame it on the booze.


Sometimes I’m just a you know what.

It’s been twenty-four years today since my last drink.
Leave it to a Sicilian kid to sober up on St. Patrick’s Day.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito

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One Response

  1. Awesome Chris! Congratulations!!

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