“School Vacation. Bah. Humbug!” By Chris Zito

Things were much simpler for parents a generation (or two) ago. When there was no school, my mother didn’t worry about how to entertain us all day. This is how it went on a typical Saturday after breakfast.
“There’s the door. Be home for lunch.”
After lunch: “There’s the door. Be home for supper.”
After supper: “There’s the door. Be home when the street lights come on or your father will kill you.”

“Only three and half hours til I can go back in.”

The most amazing thing about the approach our parents took was that they had no idea where we were. As long as we weren’t in the house, Mom didn’t really care where we were. It wasn’t about where we were. It was about where we weren’t. Which was in the house bothering her. They never worried about us. Back then everyone had about eight kids. My theory is that they were trying to thin the herd.

Another day without an abduction. How are we gonna feed all these kids?

Sadly, today’s kids are so conditioned to organized sports that there is little hope they’d know what to do if we just threw a bunch of them in someone’s backyard. I picture them milling around just looking at each other without a clue what to do without someone blowing a whistle and shouting instructions.

“I don’t have my shins guards. I’m not sure what to do.”

I have a few suggestions. How about picking up a stick and whacking the kid next to you? Start a good old-fashioned rock fight! Really, when is the last time one of these kids even went to the emergency room? When I was growing up my brothers and I lived at the emergency room!

Okay, slight exaggeration. We summered at the ER.

I would continue this rant, but I’m on my way out the door to take Vince to Chuck E. Cheese.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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