• Chris Zito

    Funny comedian, radio personality, & writer in the Boston area. Husband, father, one handsome devil.

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“DVR Wars” By Chris Zito

Marriage has always been about compromise. Give and take. You win some, you lose some. Meet in the middle. Spouses compromise over big things like spending, parenting, and religion. In the twenty-first  century compromise is more vital to marriage than ever before. Because couples have to share space on the DVR.

Please don’t tell me there’s no room for Conan because you’re
saving four episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.

Since anything recorded in high-definition takes up lots more memory than convention TV, fewer shows fit on the hard drive. I’m a  lucky man. Her stuff takes up less space because she doesn’t “get” Hi-Def.
“I don’t see any difference? What’s the big deal?”
“No difference? What’s the big deal? Look! It’s…it’s…it’s in HIGH DEFINITION!”
“So? I don’t care. Call me old-fashioned”
“Oh for God’s sake, go back to your spinning wheel. Ha! That’s a good one, eh Kimi? Kimi? Ah, come on! Old fashioned?…spinning wheel? Hello?”

I actually got to use my own actual barrel of laughs as my own actual doghouse.

Other than my wife having lost most of her tolerance for my wisecracks, the real problem lies in scheduling. Kimi works two part time jobs and I’m essentially a self-employed stay at home Dad. We almost never watch TV together these days. So if I watch a show we both like I can’t just delete like all you single folks out there. Oh no, there is the DVR briefing at breakfast.
“Did you see the latest 30 Rock?” I’ll ask.
“Which one was it?”
“Well, Liz Lemon ends up accidentally married to-”
“STOP!” she shouts, “Don’t tell me. I haven’t seen it yet!”
These conversations don’t go very far in helping Vince learn television’s proper place in our lives.

Okay, so hitting is bad and erasing Law and Order SVU is bad. Got it.

As an unabashed TV addict I’m grateful for the DVR. More viewing on my schedule, fewer commercials. I’m just hoping “Erasing Favorite Programs” never replaces “Mental Cruelty” as grounds for divorce.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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