“Layer Up” By Chris Zito

I’m a boxer man myself, but today we start with one of the few pairs of tighty whities still in the underwear drawer. Not that I’ll need the support. It’s so cold my sack is bound to crawl inside my body as soon as I leave the house. Boom! Instant ovaries!

“Sorry, Dude. It’s just too cold to be testicles today.”

Next come the ultra thin high-tech long johns left over from my camping days. Oh yes, I’ve slept outside on many occasions and these babies always came in handy. Slim, tight, black, impenetrable. These are not your father’s long johns.

These are.

After the bottom layer is in place, I go for the long sleeve t-shirt and flannel lined running pants. Over this I put on my Red Sox World Series Champions 2004 hoodie (I just still cannot get over it!). The final piece is the giant winter coat reserved for only the coldest of days. Thick, down-filled, and oh so puffy, it’s a barrier between me and the elements that Admiral Peary would envy. “Forty Below” ice fishing boots, giant mittens, a ski mask, and a scarf complete the ensemble.

“I can see Sarah Palin’s house from here.”

I’m finally ready to brave the elements. And check the mail.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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