“Take Me!” by Chris Zito

When I was little my dad couldn’t head toward the door without being accosted by all of us kids.
“Daddy! Where are you going?”
“Can I go?”
“Take me!”
The poor guy couldn’t run out for smokes without a carload of us.

Oh boy, we’re going to pick up the dry cleaning!!! Yay!!!

You have to understand that it takes a man of great conviction to run errands with a back seat full of kids. There is a constant barrage of requests for detours, unscheduled stops, and treats. My father holds the world record for consecutive “No’s” with 114 in a row in a span of 45 minutes on August 17, 1968.

“Dad can we…” No! “Hey there’s a…” No! “How about a…” No!

This sounds like a complete pain in the ass, but I maintain that Dad had it easier than I have with only one kid in the backseat. You see, when Dad stopped at the bakery, then the bank, then the Italian grocer, he got to do something I can never do…he left us in the car. He just pulled up, jumped out of the car, and ran in with no one in tow. He left us to fight over who’s turn it was to stand on the hump in the back so as to get a better view.

The only restraints in the car were Dad’s. On spending.

Not so for me today. Today we strap the kid into a car seat. Or a booster. He’s in the back because the front’s too dangerous. You know what else is apparently too dangerous? Him sitting alone in the car for 3 minutes while I run into the 7-11 for milk. You’ve got to buckle the kid in. When you stop you have to unbuckle the kid and drag him with you. When you’re done you have to buckle him in again. Yes, I know this saves lives. And I don’t want Vince to get hurt. But a couple of hours of this in an afternoon can get me thinking it might not be so bad to get thrown from the vehicle myself.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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