“I Can’t Eat That!” By Chris Zito

Ever since reading about me blaming her for my being fat, my wife has been trying more and more to help me watch my weight. She has taken to stocking the house with food I don’t like in an effort to help me lose weight.

She knows darn well I have trouble eating anything I can’t identify.

There was a time when I was up late there were plenty of tasty treats to choose from.
“What’s it gonna be tonight?” I’d asked myself. “Cookie dough ice cream or those big frosted cookies?”
Seems whenever I reach for a snack nowadays I’m settling for the lesser of two evils.
“Hmm. Looks like either the sugar-free Jello or the scary looking left over monk fish.”

I never eat anything that looks like it can bite back.

Okay, there’s no man-eating monk fish in the house, but there is a trend toward stuff I don’t like. This serves two purposes. One, I’ll eat less and hopefully drop a few pounds. Two, Kimi and Vince now actually get a crack at some of this stuff before it disappears!

Good luck finding any salsa accompaniment.

There’s no telling whether my wife’s “Sliced Turkey Breast and Double Fiber Bread Are All That’s In The House” diet will help. But it can’t hurt.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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