“House Hubby” By Chris Zito

For the last ten months I’ve been looking for a new radio job. My wife started looking for work right after the holidays and started a new job on the fifth. I’ve got to get that woman to do my resume for me.

She accomplished with an old Franklin Planner what
I haven’t managed yet with my fancy Droid phone.

This is not to say that I’m now a house husband, at least not full-time. I’m out three to five nights a week, on average, doing stand up. I write and look for work everyday. But yesterday after Kimi left for work and Vince was off to school it took me more than a few minutes to get my bearings. Should I clean the kitchen, search the online radio sites for a new gig, or watch last night’s Desperate Housewives on the dvr? Spoiler alert! Lesley Ann Warren returned as Susan’s mother.

The kitchen can wait. And it did.

The day wasn’t a total loss. I did manage a load of laundry, tidied up the house, and sent emails to several radio stations I hope to God don’t offer me a job (There’s a topic for a whole other post!). By the time the boy’s school day ended my feet were under me again. Grocery store, car wash, bank, home. My fancy Droid phone rang as I walked into the house. It was the school. Vince was still waiting.

Vince waited so long he’d started his own business by the time I arrived.

Determined to do better today I arose before anyone else. While Kimi was in the shower I went down to the kitchen to…to…what was it she used to do for me before I went to work? Oh yeah, make coffee. I made myself a cup. I’m no use to anyone until I’m caffeinated.  As I sat there marshaling my energy my wife came downstairs and started packing her own lunch.
“Oh hey, I can do that for you,” I volunteered.
“That’s okay.” She was half way done already. Does this woman hold the land speed record for sandwich building?
She was out the door in minutes, my only contribution being to slightly derail her new routine.

“Have a great day! Happy to help!”

When Kimi was a stay at home mom this place ran like clockwork. The house was clean, the meals were hot, and my dresser drawers seemed to stayed stocked with clean underwear like magic. I always appreciated it and I told her so everyday. But what I didn’t realize until now is that it was in the illusion of ease that made it so special. The routine grounder to short is routine because the shortstop makes it look easy. Replacing my wife in the house with me is like taking out Nomar and putting in Spike Owen. Sure I’m capable, but I’ll never have the range, the flash, or the sheer memorability of doing the job like her.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


One Response

  1. Aww. That is cute and touching.

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