“Resolved: Shave” by Chris Zito

I’ve decided to be more clean-shaven this year. In my line of work shaving isn’t really required.  After all, no one is my boss really. If someone is paying half my social security tax he can tell me when to shave. Otherwise I make my own schedule.


Like some sort of stubble addict I declare, “Hey! I can shave
any time I want! I just don’t want to!”

Shaving isn’t painful or time-consuming. It’s just so damn boring staring at my own face for a few minutes every morning. By my age most guys look and say, “Ugh. You again?”
But what choice do we have? It’s not like you can shave anyone else. You can’t very well approach one of your buddies and say, “Hey, Ted. I’m bored shaving myself. What do you say we shave each other for a while.”
This could be the end of a friendship. Or take it to a whole other level. Depends on Ted. Once you offer to shave a man the ball’s pretty much in his court.


It’s easy to see where all that extra shaving can lead.

I’ve had my face shaven my someone else exactly three times. Once by a barber in Vegas just to say I’d done it once in my life. It was okay, nothing to write home about. Twice my wife shaved me. Back before she was my wife. Let me tell you that was nothing to write home about either. I’d never tell my mom that kind of stuff.


Normally a woman coming at you with a sharp object is frightening.
But not always.

Truth is the beard comes in a little gray these days. Even at fifty years old the hair on head has no gray.  As long as I’m clean-shaven I can pass for, I don’t know, maybe forty-seven.

Thanks for reading. Tell you pals.
Chris Zito

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3 Responses

  1. Good stuff Chris!! It was wonderful sharing my New Years Eve with you and the wife…my face was killing me for days!!

  2. Well, needless to say, I really “identified with this!”
    Very funny , especially the Gay Wedding!

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