“The Honeymoon’s Over” By Chris Zito

When I met my wife she thought I was the funniest man alive. When were dating I was pretty humorous. After we got engaged I was mildly amusing.  Once we got married she’d generally roll her eyes at all my jokes. Something changed.

“Oh yeah, this guys a laugh riot.”

Granted she’d heard all my stories after 9 plus years of marriage. Maybe I just need some new material. This is the real reason comedians travel so much. It’s much easier to go to a new audience than to write a new act.

Comedian: Stop me if you’ve heard this one.  Audience: STOP!

All the same her reaction is indicative of a broader pattern. Or to be fair, our reaction to each other reveals a pattern. Early in our marriage when we visited her family in NH we’d fight to make sure we had a room, and a bed, together. On a recent stay we didn’t even stay in the same part of the house! There was no fight that resulted in this separation, just a coin toss to see who would bunk down with our five-year old and who would get a good night’s sleep.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

It’s common for married people to yap at each other less as the years go by. There’s no, “so where did you go to school?” or “what was your first job?” left.
Now it’s “did you pay the electric bill?” or “have you seen that twenty I had on my dresser?” Come to think of it I haven’t seen that twenty since I won that coin toss but you get the point. Married people have to make an effort sometimes to remember to talk about something other than business.

“I’ve got you down for a 1:30 smooch. Does that still work for you?”

It doesn’t help that men generally don’t have much to say anyway. For years I’ve seen married couples sitting together at comedy shows using the Flintstones seating arrangement. Fred and Barney up front, Betty and Wilma in the back. The women want to sit together because they know this is their chance to have a conversation.

“Oh, Betty, you know Fred. He’s been stuck in a monosyllabic rut since the Paleolithic Age.”

Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m comfortable with the evolution. As the space between us in bed gets wider (we’re in a King now) the connection we have keeps getting deeper. More than an even trade.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


3 Responses

  1. This is really great Chris.

  2. Sounds like a love story to me….

  3. That comedian looks like Biff bowing and scraping to Mr. McFly.

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