“Hey, I Know Stuff!” By Chris Zito

I’m the youngest of a family of high achievers. There are five of us. My sister has her PhD and is a tenured professor at NYU. I have one brother who is a physics professor at another university in New York, another who is a highly decorated, retired Naval Officer and Gulf War veteran, and another who is a published novelist. All of them have a least one degree, a couple of them have several.

You don’t get this stuff by doing bong hits like some guys I am…I mean know.

And then there’s me. The college drop out. Actually, my college career was too brief to even call me a drop out. I got to school, couldn’t find a parking space, and went home. My father was so upset. “I sacrifice to give you all those quarters for the meter and you just throw it all away!”

Maybe if they had had “angle in” instead of parallel I could have cut it!

We all have our niche. In my family I’m the go to guy for the useless stuff. I don’t know calculus, but I know the theme song to the old “Dick Van Dyke Show.” I also know that it was only the first season that Dick tripped over the ottoman in the opening sequence, that Morey Amsterdam, who played comedy writer Buddy Sorel, was a frequent panelist on the original “Make Me Laugh” show, and that Rose Marie’s search for a husband on the show was like those rumors of the President not being born in America: far-fetched at best.

Sally loved Laura in pedal pushers every bit as much as Rob did.

So it should come as no surprise that I received a call from my brother yesterday to settle a bet. “Who did the ‘Niagara Falls’ bit, Abbott and Costello or the Three Stooges?” Now if you’re reading that question and scoffing at how easy it is, maybe you should have studied in school a little more. Of course, it was the Stooges.

Several folks in early television copied it later on.  Lucy did it and it cropped up on the Abbot and Costello TV show but the original was Moe Howard’s.
I hope I get a cut of the winnings.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


One Response

  1. Chris Zito, I miss you!

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