• Chris Zito

    Funny comedian, radio personality, & writer in the Boston area. Husband, father, one handsome devil.

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“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like…Halloween?” By Chris Zito

I didn’t get the memo. Apparently Halloween is now a holiday that requires one to completely transform one’s home into a five-star spooky spectacular!

Why wait until December to jack up the electric bill?

It wasn’t that long ago that all you needed to make Trick or Treaters happy was a porch light, a working doorbell, and a bowl of candy. Now my neighbors all seem to have lost their minds. When did this happen? There’s a lovely family two doors down from us that’s perfectly normal all year then suddenly on Halloween they think they’re the Munsters! I mean it’s nice that they let Grandpa live with them instead of in a home but I really think the reference is lost on most of the kids anyway.

“Lilly! Lilly! Lilly!

It’s gotten so out of hand I’m worried that Vince will be too terrified to bring home free candy for Kimi and I to steal, er, for him to enjoy. Some people go way overboard. Gravestones in the front yard. Spooky music. The dad’s in a werewolf costume jumping out of the bushes. Dear God, I just want to get my kid a candy bar I don’t want him in therapy for post traumatic stress!

Perhaps the high unemployment rate is to blame.
We all have too much time on our hands.

These people want to trick the kids before they get a treat. Actually it’s not a bad lesson. More and more of the economy is going barter. You want a Snickers? First I get to see the look on your face when you think the nice lady up the street has killed her children in cold blood.  Nice even trade, right? Not even close. But the message is clear. “Nothing’s free in this post Great Recession world, kid.”

“Wherever there’s a bag of Peanut M&M’s, I’ll be there.”

Look, I’m not one to discourage spending while we try to climb out of this economic slump but how about instead of a mechanic rubber skull that wails at the kids when they step onto the porch we spend a little more on candy and give out full size Hershey’s bars like our neighbor Mrs. Logan did back in the day. And she did it without special effects.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


2 Responses

  1. What about when I was a kid. We did all kinds of crazy things at our house….just sayin…

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