“The Walking Wounded” By Chris Zito

My boy Vince is off his Silly Bandz obsession and has moved on. To Band-Aids.

No first aid kit is complete without Spiderman

Now that Vince loves Band-Aids we get the daily request, “Can I have a Band-Aid?” This is not like hearing your kid say, “Can I have some candy?” Can I have a Band-Aid means that some injury has a occurred. At least it used to. Vince has become the Boy Who Cried Band-Aid.

This kid may be looking at the big square “Mauled By A Wolf” patch.

Vince is a normal active boy so he does end up with the occasional scrape or cut. He is nearly fearless thanks to his lack of experience. Once enough scabs have healed on a kid’s knee he developed a different approach to getting off the deck.
Like maybe using the stairs.
Unfortunately these actual injuries are too far and few between to feed the boy’s habit. On some days the Can I have a Band-Aid is followed by me getting out my magnifying glass to try to find any sort of puncture or scratch, any imperfection that could possibly considered a boo-boo.

Dear God, Watson! Where’s my Neosporin?

He’s happiest when he’s been able to accumulate four or five Band-Aids over a few days. This way he can show them off to everyone. The neighbor, the letter carrier, the cashier at the convenience store all get a run down of Vince’s perceived wounds. The tour doesn’t consist of how he hurt himself (since he didn’t) but rather who is pictured on each Band-Aid. “This is Spiderman. This is SpongeBob. This is Bumblebee the  Transformer.” The kid a walking billboard for the Cartoon Network.

In my day, we wore good old-fashioned racist “flesh-colored” band-aids!

We survived Yo-Gabba Gabba, Silly Bandz, and Scooby-Doo. We’ll get through the Band-Aids. Meanwhile we go through the Band-Aids. About a box a week.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


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