“He’ll Get Over It” by Chris Zito

My preschooler Vince is often having a nervous breakdown one minute and laughing hysterically the next. He’s not Bi-Polar, he’s Buy-Me-Something.

I’m not sure what this kid is doing, but he’ll almost
certainly move on to something else in minutes.

I’m raising an American consumer. Vince is not quite school age, but he’s a world-class shopper. I’m generally not one to point fingers but this one lands right on his mother’s lap. He’s got my eyes. He’s got her desire to browse.

Yes. More black shoes. Definitely.

When Vince is in the store he’s on the lookout for the latest joy inducing object. He does alright as long as he’s under the impression that we’re buying something, anything, for him. It’s when he finds out that I’m really only buying bread and milk that he has a physical reaction. His pulse rate goes up. He becomes flush. Confusion reigns inside his little head. How could this happen?, he asks himself. Am I not as cute today as I was last time we were here? How can he refuse me?

But I’m adorable!

My boy is at an age where emotions erupt without warning and make way for the next feeling just as quickly. He doesn’t do it on purpose. Does he? It’s hard to believe that my almost 5-year-old is that good of a con man or that good of an actor. He’s not laying it on thick to get his way. Vince really becomes briefly deranged when he doesn’t get what he wants. I don’t hold it against him. I’m 50 and I still react the same way sometimes.

But I’m adorable!

The key as a parent is to remember that he’ll get over it. Every time there’s a Christmas toy fad that has young parents running from toy store to toy store trying to find Zhu-Zhu pets and wondering what in the world they’ll do if  little Johnny doesn’t get one I want to grab them and say, “He’ll get over it.” There is not one single case of a kid who didn’t get a Cabbage Patch doll taking to a tower with a high-powered rifle.

Your child’s well-being is not connected to this creature. Repeat.
NOT connected to this creature. Step away from the Zhu-Zhu pet.

This year it’ll be something else. But if you don’t get your kid one, remember, he’ll survive. We cut Vince off at 8 million Silly Bandz and he’s holding up rather well since the initial withdrawal.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


5 Responses

  1. Hahah! Most excellent!

  2. Love it Chris!!! Always real life stuff…thanks!!!!

  3. Not that it’s all about me but seriously, that pic of the lady shopping for shoes looks like me. Did you get your hands on a security tape from DSW?

  4. you can NEVER have enough black shoes – seriously! LOL love this blog…

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