“Legos Suck” by Chris Zito

In yet another example of kids today needing more adult supervision than ever, Legos have become a toy virtually no child can enjoy without a parent’s help.

Those without children undoubtedly remember Legos as a bunch of simple  multi-colored interlocking blocks. Your parents would dump them out on the floor and a simple procedure followed. Build a tower. Knock it down. Repeat. And your parents went on with their day.


“The Legos are keeping the little bastards busy, honey. Pour me another!

Not anymore. Each box of Legos makes something specific. There are specific step by step directions. They come in a variety skill levels, all of them just beyond what the kid could manage by himself. And so we sit and do it “together.” And by “together” I mean Vince sits there watching while I struggle to assemble his pirate ship or airplane or dump truck.


Helping with Legos ages some men like the Presidency.

Some boxes say 4-5 years old. Some say 6-7 years old.  They go all the way to 16+. If your kid is still playing with Legos at 16 he’s destined to become a Lego sculptor, or “master builder.” You know, that guy that ends up on the later part of the Today Show with Kathy Lee Gifford and whats-her-name showing off his latest work.


How clever! That reminds me, I missed lunch trying to assemble that spaceship.

When did this happen? Why did this happen? Legos have become model building without the glue. At least in the sixties fathers could catch a little buzz when the kid got bored and left to go do something else.


“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit Legos.”

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito

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11 Responses

  1. I hear you! I love Lego’s and can’t wait till my son, Sam, is old enough to play with them. Easy solution, just put all the sets together, toss out the directions and tell Vince to use his imagination to come up with something.

  2. Clear, Chris, you are NOT a geek. Actually, LEGO kits go up to 16+, and there are paid LEGO master builders–JL’s childhood neighbor designed the LEGO Freedom Tower in LEGO New York. Google “LEGOLand images” to see what they can do.

  3. This is why you have the kids and not me, dear! 🙂 (great rhythm in this, w the photos!!!)

  4. What happened to “If you’re bored, I’m sure your Mother can find something for you to do?” Give the kid a sponge. That’s simple AND productive!

  5. I like how you changed 13+ to 16+. A 14 year old boy can play with Lego’s, especially if he hasn’t… developed quite like the other boys… but a 17 year old playing with Lego’s? That’s when things fall into question.

  6. Yeah, we’re overrun with Legos over here, too (particularly the Star Wars ones), but luckily the boys have lost or torn many of the directions, so the Legos are all just a big jumbled mess, and they’re forced to come up with their own creations, which, I think, works out way better for everyone!

  7. I hear ya Chris! My 11 year old likes to do some of the more complex ones, but when he gets half way through he gets frustrated if things don’t stay where they are suppose to and ends up throwing it accross the room. (Oh yea, that’s going to help!)

  8. My boys are 16 and 14! But, now their ten-year-old sister gets the trunk full of mismatched Legos. The box weighs as much as she does which is strange because she can carry them UP from the basement but oddly they are too heavy to carry back down and that is AFTER she has built eight houses that she now MUST keep in her bedroom! Also, it is inevitable that there be a mystery Lego in every room of the house that WILL BE STEPPED ON even after the trunk has been returned to the basement.

  9. Legoland in Downtown Disney in Orlando is sweet! There’s a giant lego sea monster, a family, dinosaurs, an Optimus Prime… It’s pretty cool!

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