“A Little Jumpy” By Chris Zito

Spending a few nights in a hotel with a small child always involves a tremendous amount of patience, tolerance, and jumping.

We’re in a room with two queen beds. Upon arrival, Vince, not quite 5 years-old, stands on one. He bounces lightly, trying to figure the trajectory angle and force needed. And failing. The resulting cliffhanger is sometimes harrowing!

Vince’s early attempts usually fall just short of success.

After recovering from his nowhere near fatal spill he’s back on the bed computing the new data. Distance (30 inches), wind velocity (zero) and probability (how many tries before Mommy says, “Stop that!”) You would think an effort this risky would strike terror in the heart of a boy, but Vince has the Right Stuff. He is the Chuck Yeager of preschoolers.

Shucks, Ma’am. They ain’t made a pair of beds I can’t leap across.

After only a few failed attempts he perfects the jump. And once its perfected it continues. If you haven’t shared a hotel room with a small child you may think you know what the word “continues” means. You have no idea.

This guy checked in with his parents in 1983.

We have to leave by next Thursday to attend my grown son’s wedding. I’m planning on bringing in one those animal show guys to shoot Vince with a tranquilizer dart. Then we’ll tag him and release him out into the wild. When he’s 25.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito