“Houseguest” by Chris Zito

I’m staying with my sister in New York City. I love her to death, but the woman can’t load a dishwasher to save her life.

Loading the dishwasher is a solidarity task so you’re always in charge. Even if you’re doing the dishes with a partner, one of you is rinsing and the other is loading. If, as the loader, you pause even for a moment to examine your work and rearrange, the rinser (peon!) feels the need to pipe up!
“I usually put the cups on the other side. See, this way.”
In my house this is the cue to exit the kitchen. Kimi and I have a great system in place in our house for every task. It’s known as the “If-you-don’t-like-how-I’m-doing-it-then-feel-free-to-take-over-while-I-go-sit-on-my-ass-and-relax” policy. It is strictly adhered to and has eliminated 90% of our criticism of one another (Except for the way she separates the laundry. I can’t take it! But that’s for another post).

My sister’s dishwasher is a mixed bag. The top rack is passable. Glasses, cups, a few large utensils, and ramekins. I can live with that. (I threw that last one in just to use the word ramekin. Read it out loud. “Ramekin.”).

The bottom rack is a fiasco! She puts large plates in the center and wastes space, but the biggest offense is the utensil holder. The woman loads her knives face down (good), her forks face up (correct), but her spoons face down! Oh, the humanity! With the bowls of the spoons in the very bottom of the utensil rack the water jets are cut off from everything in the dishwasher.
What’s that spell? S-P-O-T-S!

After making this discovery I decided on the spot to stay with my brother the next time I’m in the city. Let’s just hope he squeezes the toothpaste from the bottom or I’ll have to start spending a fortune on hotels when I come to New York.

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito

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7 Responses

  1. Hey Chris, in my house everyone knows that loading the dishwasher is my job and only me. People do not know the correct way to load a washer.
    So go and do anything in the kitchen but leave the dishwasher to hme.

  2. your sister’s dishwasher is kind of like ‘hideth and seeketh’…..you can’t find anything, LOL thanks for the chuckle!

  3. uh, that’s housepest to you, kid.

    signed,

    the sister

  4. Your son is just like you! LOL! reading this I pictured us… He now refuses to load the dishwasher because I do that “I usually…” And I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle and Ben always “fixes” it… I think I do this out of spite though lol, because he is a little (little, ha!) messy, and leaves things around the house that I inevitably pick up. Squeezing from the middle of the tube is like my own little bedtime/morning vengeance!

  5. No matter how I load the dishwasher, Nancy always rearranges it. As a result I pay little attention to what I put where. Just for fun! And Nancy experiences fulfillment in doing the job right. Good for a relationship.

    • Hmm. So you’re saying you screwing up the dishwasher is actually helping your wife? I’ll have to remember that one and use it myself.

  6. Paul has strictly forbade me to ever ever load the dishwasher. The same applies to sorting and attempting to do laundry.. Lucky for me I have a 9 to 10 hour a day job and an hour and half commute each way, whatever would I do with myself?

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