The Mighty Lollygagger! by Chris Zito

My 4 1/2-year-old, Vince loves to play super heroes.

Spiderman is one of his favorites.

All the greats are in his repertoire.
He does a mean Iron Man. This consists of running around the room shouting, “I am Iron Man!” The jumping on his dear old dad’s chest.
He can also do the Hulk. It’s basically making fists, yelling “HULK SMASH!” and jamming said fists into his dear old dad’s chest.
But, as mentioned above, Spidey is his best. This involves pretending to shoot webs out of his wrist to tie up dear old dad,  leaving him clear to sock me in the chest!
If I ever suffer cardiac arrest, his mom can just tell him to play super heroes with me until the ambulance arrives.

Vince hates it when I play Sandman.

None of these Super Heroes compare to Vince’s greatest act. The one mutant of his own invention.
That most amazing, valiant stalwart of the American way: The Mighty Lollygagger!!!

The Mighty Lollygagger! Slower than a wife who changes her outfit six times before leaving the house!
More powerful than a lane closure on the Mass Pike!
Yes, the Mighty Lollygagger! Able to stretch bedtime out by a half hour or more!
Impervious to parental threats, he can actually slow down time with a single, ” I have to go pee pee!”

His cries of, “One more story! One more snack! One more drink of water!” have convinced us that one day Vince will grow up
to become the greatest concert goer of all time at shouting, “ONE MORE TIME!”

The Mighty Lollygagger’s arch-enemy, the evil ANGRY DADDY knows his one true weakness: leaving him alone with the lights out!!!
Suddenly the Lollygagger promises to lie still and close his eyes. When ANGRY DADDY, having appeared only as a last resort,
reverts back to his alter ego, Snuggle Daddy, the Mighty Lollygagger returns to his secret identity, mild-mannered preschooler Vincent Zito…and konks out!

So…Mightly Lollygagger! Until we meet again!!!

Thanks for reading. Tell your pals.
Chris Zito


One Response

  1. This reminds me of “Just Go To Bed” by Mercer Mayer.
    I used to read that to my son when he was a kid.

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