“Best Guy I Know” By Chris Zito

Today is my father’s 88th birthday. He’s my favorite guy and I hope he lives forever.

His most common look: The Smile

“Wild Phone Chase” By Chris Zito

After lunch I reached for my phone to call my wife and let her know how my annual physical had gone. It had gone fine, but she wanted to hear about the blood work, the recent sinus infection, and if the doctor and I had plans to continue a more intimate relationship after the prostate exam. Good, gone, and absolutely not.

Luckily my primary care physician had done his residency
with the TSA so he was an experienced prober.

My DVR, Social Media, and Time Travel

For years anyone recording a sporting event had to dodge a minefield of result indicators. You can always spot the guy. Whenever anyone says hello to him the first thing out of his mouth is, “I”m taping the game! Don’t say anything about the game!”
“Actually, sir, I was just going to tell your our lunch specials.”

“No! You might slip the Dolphins score into the catch of the day!”

“The Big Draw” by Chris Zito

A “draw,” in show biz lingo, is an act that has real fans, a serious following. When I do stand up the people are in the club to see a comedy show. When Jerry Seinfeld does stand up people in the theater are there to see Jerry Seinfeld. He’s a draw.

“Anyone here to see Zito? Didn’t think so.”

“A Prank Only a Mother Could Love” By Chris Zito

My mother bore five children. My sister, the oldest, then four boys in a row. She was outnumbered for sure. My Dad got himself plenty of free labor. Mom got lots of piratical jokes. We were a pain in her ass.

“When you boys finish there go inside and harass your mother.”

“Three of My Best Days” By Chris Zito

The day my son, Vince, was born six years ago today was one of my best days.
Sometimes known as my “do over” child, he’s been a revelation. And a source of ten new minutes of stand up material. So far.

Tummy time. Feel the burn!!!

“What Do I Know?” By Chris Zito

My son presented me with just about the greatest opportunity of my life the over the weekend. He wandered out of his bedroom Saturday morning and into my office. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he asked, “Daddy, do you know everything?”

“Yes, my son. I DO know everything. Now go forth and pick up thy toys.”